Growing up??

When I was little I wasn't able to wait to grow up. It was all about being able to drive and being able to date. It was the dream to grow up; I'd be able to move out of my Mom's house to my very own, and I'd be able to have my own rules.

When I was little and I'd be scared or I'd wake up from having a bad dream I'd go to my Mom's room, or wherever she was at and I'd go to her and tell her what was wrong with me. She'd hold me in her arms and just help me. When I'd cry I'd run to her and she'd hold me and sing these songs to me, and it'd help me stop crying, but I'd fall asleep in her arms. I was able to get away with a lot of things and I was able to make a lot of people laugh. My Mom was and still is proud of me. Even though I can't really tell it. I had all sorts of friends who didn't talk about me in a bad way, we were just oursleves, we were the best of friends.

Now that I think about it I don't want to grow up. If I could I'd go back in time and re-live it as much as I could. I'd treasure everything, the good and the bad. I think or know I'm just scared to grow up. I wont be able to run to my Mom when I have a bad dream, I wont be able to run to her when I cry, she wont be able to hold me in her arms. I don't want to leave or go forward from my Mom and Dad, we were one happy family, well at least I thought. I wont have a lot of friends as I go on, or if so I wont see them as much. I'm scared of what will happen in the future.

I don't know if I'm going to be successful in life or not. I'm scared that everything I have that's great will just fall apart. I won't be able to sleep with my Mom through the tough times; like I was able to when I was little. I'm just scared, I dont know what will happen as I go on, and I think I'm just afraid to find out.

I know this is life, and everyone is made to be born, live, work, have kids, and die. This is a part of life that I know that I'm going to hate. I don't want to move on. Yet I have to and I don't have a choice. Growing up isn't at all like I thought that would happen. It was suppose to be fun, exictting, I was suppose to look forward to it. But I guess not, I guess that's part of life, I guess it's part of growing up.